Ah yes. The rollercoaster of emotion that is Game Of Thrones. We decided to put our thinking caps on and get a little hypothetical. And fun.
So. If you invited these 10 Game of Throners, from past and present, to your wedding; What would their gifts be?
1. Varys
Such a great gift giver. If you are the groom, your gift involves Varys telling you the dealer cost on that new Chevy Silverado that you have your eye on. If you are the bride, Varys lets you know that the bitch in row 9 has had 2 surgeries and is wearing spanks.
2. Daenerys Targaryen
First, I would highly recommend that you do not go cheap on the valet company. When Daenerys pulls up on Drogon you are gonna need to park that bad boy up front. Yes. Ahead of your dad’s Cadillac and some douche Jesse’s new Maserati. But what is cool about Daenerys is that she knows and understands love. I would not be surprised if she does not give you a nice little stack of cash, for a starter home.
3. Davos Seaworth
What does our good friend Davos get you? The best damn pep talk and advice you could ever get.
4. Petyr Baelish
Do you let him dance with your mom? No. But you can still expect a very tasteful gift that you will not ever use. Like a pen, adorned with the finest jewels. If you are a dude, this is a double win. Because he threw you the flyest bachelor party. You have a cousin that is still missing from it.
5. Bronn
Bronn. A true man’s man. The human Swiss army knife doesn’t need to bring a gift. He is a gift. And if you are the groom, he points out, casually, that he was unable to bring anything, but the 5 times that he saved your life should do. If you are the bride, he says, “I hope that you enjoy the fine stemware” that he did not buy as he points to the gift table.
6. Walder Frey
I am not worried about what Walder Frey would bring as a present, because he is not invited. Besides being a little too touchy with the younger gals, he gives extremely crappy gifts. Ask Rob Stark.
7. Cersei Lannister
What does Cersei get you? The coldest damn stare that you have ever seen.
8. Jon Snow
First, he will attend, he may have a few bandages, but he WILL be there. — Second, uh, WOW! You did not realize that they made black wrapping paper in this tone, complete with little patches of sheep’s wool. But you are not caught up in the wrapping paper long, because you just got the illest black fur coat EVER!!! Thanks Jon! I feel like a warrior pimp!
9. Ramsay Bolton
This guy… Jeez. Expect some really nice steak cuts coming your way. Are they human? I don’t know. I am not a professional steak knower.
10. Tyrion Lannister
The last wedding Tyrion attended did not go very well for him, so I would not be that upset if he did not attend. Attendance aside, you can count on a good buddy such as this to send you well written words that are both heartfelt and engagingly funny. There will be a nice bottle attached, and if we know our Tyrion, probably a gift card to an adult store.
Maybe we are a little off. What do you think? Let us know down below. As always, be nice. Comment sections should not be the toilets of the Internet sewer system.
All images courtesy of HBO.
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